


Fear from newfound normalcy

by Againstme



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-09 00:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Againstme/pseuds/Againstme
Summary: Duck manages to wait until they’re alone in Ned’s new truck before speaking out, “Hey listen, y’all. I don’t think I can be part of this one.”Aubrey frowns at him, clearly confused, “Why not?”Because he feels vulnerable in a way he never has before. Because all he has is a broken sword he can’t use that well. Because he’s damaged goods at this point. Because he’s scared of getting hurt. Because he’s a cowardDuck lies, “Things have just been rough for me since Minerva’s been unable to communicate. I’m still adjusting to things."





	Fear from newfound normalcy

One of the first things Duck notices that’s probably a side effect from the loss of his abilities, is how much clumsier he is. **  
**

It’s just little things. He bumps into the corner of his desk at work. He burns himself on the stove while cooking. He falls on his face on his brand new old tattered skateboard every other day.

And yeah, that’s probably something Duck should’ve expected with the loss of his enhanced reflexes and all, but it’s not really the fact that he’s more clumsy that worries Duck. 

It’s the fact that, really, when he thinks about it, Duck’s always been this clumsy, he just never noticed it as much. He never noticed it because it never hurt.

And sure, none of it causes him actual harm, far from it really, but there’s something about it that’s unsettling. He’s not used to feeling pain this sharp, this present, over tiny nothings like accidentally touching a too hot pan.

Duck starts off hoping that maybe it’s just his pain tolerance that’s gone down now that Minerva’s gone, but he knows that isn’t the case, he knows that it’s because whatever “armor”, whatever had made him so tough, is now gone.

Fuck, couldn’t the universe have given him just one lucky break?

As they all wait for the next abomination to arrive, Duck waits with bated breath, unsure of what to do with himself.

He aches all over, which he is used to, he’s been in his forties for a while now, but it’s worse, or maybe he’s just more aware of it. He’s tense all over, he’s jumpy, he constantly feels weak and sickly, he constantly feels like something’s choking him.

Duck’s never felt more scared.

He’s scared of the abominations, sure Ned’s survived a few of them while being just as normal as Duck is now, but even he’s started to push his luck, he’s scared of being hurt and ending up in the hospital like Ned, only he doesn’t…

He’s so scared of being hurt.

It’s not that Duck can’t handle pain, he’s been hurt pretty badly before. Duck is able to handle pain. The incident in the water park hurt like hell. He had that headache of days and days. Not to mention the nasty bruise.

Duck knows he wouldn’t survive that now. No, he would hit his head on that bridge, fall into the water and maybe not even have enough time left on Earth to drown.

The thought of Aubrey leaping under the water to save him only to find his cold corpse freezes him to the bone.

How is Duck supposed to fight for the sake of his planet and Sylvane’s when he freezes up over hypothetical scenarios?

February’s abomination shows up. Barclay’s describing it, and with every word coming from the man’s mouth, Duck feels his motivation slip away, fear catching up to him much quicker than he thought it would.

He manages to wait until they’re alone in Ned’s new truck before speaking out, “Hey listen, y’all. I don’t think I can be part of this one.”

Aubrey frowns at him, clearly confused, “Why not?”

Because everything hurts more than it should. Because he feels vulnerable in a way he never has before. Because the monster Barclay described has very big claws that could easily eviscerate him. Because he’s been having dream after dream of freezing up and dying, or, worse, actually doing something and dying anyway. Because all he has is a broken sword he can’t use that well. Because he’s damaged goods at this point. Because he’s scared of getting hurt. Because he’s a coward.

Duck shoots a look at Ned before answering. Ned knows why Duck doesn’t want to fight. He’s sure of it.

Duck lies anyway, keeping it simple and relatively clean for once. Probably because it’s mostly true, “Things have just been rough for me since Minerva’s,” Duck pauses, thinking of what words to use, “been unable to communicate. I’m still adjusting to things. Besides, this one seems pretty clear cut. I don’t think y’all will really need me.”

Aubrey opens her mouth to say something else, but Ned interjects, already pushing Duck gently towards the door of his truck. “Sure, Duck. But if we really need you, you’ll come. Right?”

Ned shoots him a pointed look while waiting for Duck to answer, “Yeah, of course I will, Ned.”

Ned nods, and Duck leaves, skateboarding back to his apartment.

As Duck digs through his pockets for his keys, he finds something small and unfamiliar right next to his keys.It doesn’t take long for him to figure out what it is : a business card for the Cryptonomica with a time written on it. Late enough that Ned could be sure that Duck doesn’t have a shift at the station.

It’s clear that Ned wants to talk. Duck knows that Ned won’t berate him for being a coward, so he doesn’t hesitate much before deciding to go. Ned’s the only person who comes sort of close to understanding what Duck’s fears are after all.

When Duck gets to the meeting, Ned jumps right to it, barely giving Duck the time to take off his coat, “You know, Duck, the first time I encountered all this craziness, that night we met in the woods,” Ned smiles and chuckles to himself, “I drove my car like a damn maniac and I wasn’t scared.”

Duck frowns, this feels like the opposite of what Duck needs to hear right now.

“I wasn’t scared,” Ned continues, “because I was convinced it was all a dream. Every single time since then, now that I know it’s all real, I’ve been scared shitless.”

Duck feels a small smile form across his lips. That seems more like it.

“How do you work through your fear to fight?” the ranger asks.

“Man, I have no idea. I thought about telling you some bullshit about feeling like it was just fate or something for a while, but I don’t think you’d have bought it. Then I considered some spiel about facing your fears, but you avoided your literal destiny for decades, so I doubt that would’ve worked either.” Ned shifts and looks Duck straight in the eyes, “So instead, I’m gonna be real honest. I help with the Pine Guard stuff because without me, you wouldn’t be able to defeat the abominations. And I care about this town. It’s not my first choice, but it sort of grows on you after a while. And I also care about the world. I have people I care about out there, not many, but there’s a few, and I would rather they stay alive and well.”

“I’m not-” Duck hesitates and cuts himself off, “I’m not sure I can do that, Ned.”

“I guess what I’m saying, Duck, is that instead of putting the whole weight of the world on your shoulders, put just the weight of the people you care about. It won’t make the fear of getting hurt or dying lessen, but it’s much easier to rationalize doing crazy stunts like fighting monsters when it’s for someone you’re close to.”

“I mean,” Duck almost doesn’t want to really consider what Ned’s suggesting. Thinking about what might happen to Jane if the abominations destroy Earth feels so much more stressful, “It’s a lot Ned, but I’ll try it.”

“It works. Trust me.”

“I do, you know I trust you on stuff like this. And I’ll try to see if doing what you suggested lets me push through my fears.” Duck promises, “But I’m probably still not going to help much this hunt.”

“That’s fine, but we will see you next month.” Duck can tell Ned isn’t asking a question.

“Ned, I don’t-”

He interrupts before Duck can finish, “Look into my eyes, Duck.”

Duck smiles dubiously, “Okay.”

“I will see you next hunt.” he says, “Because, first of all, we need you, and because, secondly, while I trust Aubrey, I don’t want it to just be me and the kid. I need someone to watch my back who understands what it’s like to not be magical.”

Duck smiles, “And I suppose you’ll have my back?”

Ned doesn’t hesitate for a second, “Of course!”

For the first time since losing Minerva’s gifts, Duck feels hopeful that he might actually be able to do this.

“Then, yeah, you’ll see me in March helping with the next abomination.”

Duck’s not entirely sure he’ll be able to keep that promise. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try as hard as he can to go through with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Posted first on tumblr @indridcolds
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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